Saturday, April 12, 2008

The La-la-la-library!

Have you ever seen one of these? Did you know that they existed? I found myself digging through my purse for change, just so I could see what these gel pens look like (fresh out of change). How cool is this? Since when did schools begin dispensing supplies like a truck stop restroom?

So we were on our way to the school library (after Mrs. Clark kicked us out when the bovines tried taking over the classroom - the little dictators), when we passed this vending machine. Fred was suddenly all wiggly, trying to jump out of my purse. Thank goodness for a strong magnetic flap keeping it closed! I guess he had his head poking out of the corner, watching the world go by, when he saw this thing and went nuts. I had to stop and make sure everything was okay, taking the two of them out, and Fred tried climbing up my arm to get to the machine. I thought it a perfect photo opp, but I had to drop the camera to avert disaster, so you won't see the shot I missed - these two climbing down to crawl into the machine. What goes through the head of a ceramic cow?

Once I'd rescued them, I looked up to find that we were two steps from the library. Inside we were met by a librarian with a million questions. Did the cows have ID badges? No. Had they signed in at the office? Yes. What was their reading level? Illiterate. Could they please keep their voices down? Maybe. At least we weren't asked to leave. We've been places where Fred and Bessie's antics have gotten us kicked out pretty quickly. Like Mrs. Clark's class just a few minutes before!

I let the moos know, in no uncertain terms, that this would be their LAST outing if they couldn't behave themselves. They listened and nodded quietly. Deceptive creatur

One of the recommended reads for Oklahoma children is Magic Tree House. No no no. It's Twisters and Other Terrible Storms. I mean, both together. This time of year in Oklahoma, the school system loves to frighten children, forcing them to read about houses flying through the air, landing on witches, and tiny green people in spacecraft singing sappy songs about riddles and chocolate.

Wait. What?

I don't even know what to say about this. I got nuthin'. Since I don't speak Moo, Fred and Bessie got nuthin'. So don't ask. Okay?

We found what looked like a vast parade of Mardi Gras floats littering the tops of bookshelves. Since the bovines were unfamiliar with Mardi Gras, I gave them a brief explanation. At least, they looked puzzled about the floats. But I think they looked even MORE puzzled when I was done. What is so difficult to understand about a holiday which requires some people to dress up, ride on giant moving platforms, waving at people while throwing beads, candy and doubloons, and a crowd which presses in screaming "Throw me somethin' mister!"? Sounds kinda cool, right?

These two might have been confused, but they didn't
have any trouble understanding that these floats had been built just their size. They walked around staring at all of them, climbing on to certain floats, probably practicing their telepathy, from the look of it. And it appears the owls are better at telepathy than the cows.

Doesn't it?

Here we have Sir George and the Headless Dragon. Don't you remember that story? There's a headless dragon terrorizing the countryside, striking fear into the hearts of men, women and children with its fiery ... with its fiery farts. Houses are burning, haystacks going up in flames, entire cows and pigs become barbeque feasts, all because of this dragon. There's no one to save them! When suddenly! From seemingly nowhere! Sir George arrives to SLAY said dragon! His noble steed is fried to a crisp when Sir George rides up from behind, hoping to take the dragon by surprise. I guess he did. And if he were honest, George would admit that his suit of armor was a might toasty. But he ran beneath the dragon, piercing its soft underbelly with his sword, killing it and saving the countryside from further mayhem.

Now this one I thought I understood until I looked at these pictures. The bovines spent the longest time enjoying this float, checking out the strange creatures here. Isn't that a beautiful pink and white kitty? I mean owl? I mean ... what the heck IS that thing? Well Fred and Bessie didn't seem to care, and it seemed friendly enough, so I'm not going to fret over it.

We finally started back to the classroom, since I had work to finish and all, and none of us could resist the fish tank near the office. I wish I knew if Fred and Bessie could swim - I might have let them in to join the fish. And I'm pretty sure these two are herbivores, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Thinking about it, the holes on their backs would probably let in too much water and the cows would drown. Good thing I kept them high and dry!

Coming back to the classroom, I set straight to work, since that's the kind of girl I am. Hard working, naturally. I could have sworn I put Fred and Bessie in a safe place, out of reach from both the Ferret and Sir Squeaks. Up high, out of harm's way, near standard school text books and papers. Hearing a distressed moo, I turned to find they'd made their way across the shelf to Yorick's skull and didn't seem too pleased with what they'd found. When I moved them they were quiet while I finished my work. Perhaps they thought Mrs. Clark would employ some terminal punishment for misbehaving cows.

Soon it was time to go home. Soon? Did I say soon?!? It's taken me three days to write about one afternoon with these two trouble makers! Not soon enough is more like it! I need a nap just writing about it!

Moo to You!



pam said...

I so love these cows. I can't wait till they're on Oprah and I can say 'I remember some of their very first adventures at school'!

Anonymous said...

i want to have these cows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how can i get them?

Flea said...

You cannot have them, Sam-I-Am. Mine. All mine. :)

Anonymous said...

where can u get them?

Flea said...

Hmmm. I was given them as a Christmas gift. When I asked, I was told they came from a specialty store in northern Louisiana.

Anonymous said...

cool,i will look in to that.