Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Bovines Go to School

Whew! What a day! This post will have to be in installments! Fred and Bessie decided to go to school with me this afternoon - well, they jumped in my purse when I wasn't looking and came along for the ride.

Thursdays are long days for me, but they're my favorite days. As a stay home mom for 14 years, and especially as a home schooling mom, I was accustomed to being with children all day. But when the kids went to public school this year, I first experienced a huge sense of freedom, then withdrawals. Fortunately for me, it turns out that I don't actually need to be around my own children. Spending Thursday afternoons in Mrs. Clark's fourth grade class is just enough! I
volunteer, doing fun things like stuffing cubbies, creating bulleting boards and playing with the ferret.

Today, while I was stuffing cubbies (no, people, I wasn't feeding Twinkies to Cub Scouts), the bovines squirmed out of my purse and began exploring. Furt, the ferret, was out and about, rummaging through the trash. He loves Dr. Pepper, which, coincidentally, is also Mrs. Clark's favorite drink. he also loves my lipstick and will go through my purse to find my favorite tube of Clinique. Note to self: remember to put purse on table from now on.

It seems the cows have just enough sense to stay out of a ferret's way, but the sight of them running around was enough to start the children talking and giggling, getting me in trouble. Hey! I didn't know that I had stowaways when I left the house! I really am going to have to begin locking them in the china cabinet when I leave. Before I could catch those two rascals, they climbed into the guinea pig's cage. Maybe they sense that I'm a little afraid of Sir Squeaks-a-lot, since he likes to nibble fingers. Whatever it was, they wound up playing with Squeaks. Fred, who y'all know loves to climb, was excited to scale Squeaks' house.

Bessie, however, chose to meet Squeaks, beard him in his den, so to speak. Yes, I know, it looks as though he snuck up on her, but I choose to believe that she was brave and met him on her own terms. While nibbling on his apple. Maybe that wasn't so smart, huh, eating his food? Or maybe she saw how little he was compared to Furt and thought she could take him. Regardless, the results weren't exactly pretty. I don't think Bessie ever saw it coming.

Brutal, huh? Squeaks was throwing our cute Bessie ALL OVER that cage, picking her up by her hind legs and flipping her. It was the most horrid sight, but my mortal fear of guinea pigs kept me from intervening. Poor Bessie. And Fred! Don't EVEN get me started on Fred. He just stood there like a big bump on a log, watching the whole horrendous affair. Bad bull! Not standing up for your sweetie! She should drop kick his sorry self all the way back to the kitchen, let me tell you.

Just look at him, standing there, doing absolutely nothing to rescue his damsel in distress. Maybe he thinks he can bore a hole in Squeaks' head by staring intensely? Coward.

Well SOMEBODY finally rescued poor Bessie, but it wasn't me! Mrs. Clark to the rescue! The bovines were so excited that they leaped to her shoulders in a kind of victory parade. Doesn't Mrs. C look a lot like Linda Carter? She must be Wonder Woman, rescuing my babies from the evil Sir Squeaks-a-lot! They rode around on her shoulders for awhile, protesting loudly when she attempted to put them down. It was the funniest little sound, their tiny moo, moo, moos! In the end she managed to set them on the floor while I graded math worksheets.

It turns out that wasn't the greatest idea. They scampered around the room and had all the kids turning half way around in their desks, watching the two of them play. Well they ARE cute, you know! But they scampered across the hall when no one was looking, finding an open door and ducking in. Before we even knew they were gone, the teacher across the hall was screaming like a little girl. It seems she wasn't expecting two porcelain cows to run across her floor like little spotted mice. Think about it ... how would you react if they ran past your feet? I went running next door and found Bessie in the hamster wheel, of all places.

When I picked them up, the two struggled to jump from my hands as I passed the hamster cage. They were successful, as you can see, and managed to vault from my hands to the cage, waking the poor hamster! Doesn't he look sleepy? It took him a moment to get his bearings, to realize that there were intruders in his cage. When he finally figured out what was going on, Bessie was already contentedly grazing on cedar shavings (these two have the strangest tastes!), and Fred was sniffing out the Mr. Bedhead.

Mr. Hamster was a little put out, it seems, being so rudely awakened. He seems both cautious and inquisitive, does he not? Actually, he's kinda cute. No, he's downright adorable. Awww. I just wanna take him home in my pocket. If I knew he wouldn't pee in my pocket, then nibble a hole to freedom, leaving me with pee and no hamster.

It was especially cute when Mr. Hamster gave Fred a big ol' kiss! Bessie's still grazing. Isn't that sweet? Altogether now ... AAAWWWWW!!!
Well ...

Until Mr. Hamster went all ugly on Fred, in his face, calling him out. Maybe he was only tasting him before? I wonder if he tastes like chicken?

I'm leaving you with a final shot of Mr. Hamster as I reached in to rescue my moo moos. What an angry little face! I'm so very glad I didn't tuck this rodent in my pocket!

More tomorrow. We've just scratched the surface of our day at school, but I need to get the wee cows to bed.

Moo to You!



dlyn said...

Ha! I bet the kids had a blast with you today!

zobabe said...

Wow..Looks like everybody had a blast! I can't believe Fred's such a coward, but I guess Bessie let the hamster deliver her vengeance. Smart girl, keeping her hooves clean like that.

noble pig said...

Oh those kissin' pictures are priceless...French kissin' even. Oui, oui.

pam said...

Oooh a little tongue action from Mr. Hampster :D
You must start writing Fred and Bessie books. I'm enamored and I'm 50! I know they'd be best sellers and you're such a good writer.

Melissa said...

Oooh, looks like Mr. Hampster was gigging on Fred...nothing like a little tongue from your hampster...

Anonymous said...

this must be photocopied!!!! a hamster kissing a kow. photocopied!!!

Anonymous said...

sorry ,cow.