Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The Apples

Full belly swaying, Bessie flicked her tail as she brushed past Fred on the cutting board. The Edinburgh Cows had nothing on Fred, he thought, as he flexed his porcelain muscles and prepared to climb.

“Do you hear the dogs whimpering? They hate thunderstorms.” said Fred.

“Shh!” whispered Bessie, “The giants will hear us!”

“I’m doing this for you. Give me a hoof, will ya?” hissed Fred, stomping across the board, fuming over Bessie’s nervous reaction, nervous himself about the midnight raid to calm her cravings. Just then a loud crack resounded in the still night kitchen as lightning fanned across the appliances. Bessie’s front right hoof wouldn’t stay still and it was driving Fred nuts. “Calm down, okay? It’s gonna be alright. Just give me a hoof already!”

Bessie sidled up to Fred, sticking out her leg and making a face. As Fred began to climb, he placed a hoof on Bessie’s back, grunting with the effort, stress fractures radiating across his porcelain sides. The glow of the stove-top clock illuminated his climb just enough to allow the bovine to make it to the top of the apple bowl. Reaching the rim, Fred let out a little yelp, pleased with his success.

Just then, he slipped on a Golden Delicious, sending him plummeting to the counter top below. In slow motion Bessie watched helplessly as Fred tumbled, hitting the surface with a splintering sound, fragments of porcelain flying. Her eyes grew round with fright as they met Fred’s. He could see the damage reflected there, and realized that he couldn’t feel his legs. The thought occurred to him that Bessie was also hurt, as she wasn’t moving either. Well that didn’t make sense. “Bessie! Is your brain addled? What are you doing just standing there? Go find help! Super Glue, Liquid Nails, something! Well? Get moooooving!” He often lapsed into Moo when angry or afraid.

The jagged split in Fred’s side was cause for concern, sending Bessie scurrying across the sticky countertop to find first aid. Her hoofs made little *schmook* noises as she scurried away, irritating Fred and distracting him from the pain spreading through his body. Why on earth does she make me crazy? How can I love her so much, yet want to smack her at the same dang time? And APPLES, for Pete’s sake! HORSES eat apples! What is wrong with her?

Lying there on his back, Fred pondered the cracks in the ceiling, wondering if Bessie had found help and when she would return with the Super Glue. While he lay helpless, Bessie dodged the dining room chairs as she made her way to the laundry room to search for the glue. Fred just knew that she would get lost, lose her grip on the glue, or otherwise meet some impossible obstacle. She always failed. Now, when he needed her the most, she was liable to freeze up and let him down. Bessie was worthless in an emergency.

It was an emergency that got them into this mess, sort of. The day Fred found her, Bessie was teetering at the edge of the counter, sniffling and giving him Bambi eyes, hopeful that he’d be her Prince Charming. She was paralyzed by fear, unable to back away, in need of rescue, and Fred had been foolish enough to grab her tail in his mouth and pull her to safety. She never did tell him how she got into that mess. He half suspected it was a set up. If he’d known then what he knew now … well, there no point in self-pity. They had a little calf on the way and Bessie needed him.

Where in tarnation was she? It had been an eternity so far, or at least it seemed like it. And his legs still wouldn’t work. In fact, Fred couldn’t feel anything from the neck down and it had him concerned. What if glue didn’t work? What if the damage was too extensive? Worse, what if Bessie didn’t come back? What if she’d finally had enough of his snide remarks and took advantage of this opportunity to escape, leaving him there, broken and alone? No, she wouldn’t do that. She needed him too much. And he knew full well that there were no other bulls in the house. Unless … unless the giants decided to replace him if he was broken. Oh no!

Glancing over his shoulder, Fred glimpsed the black and white top of Bessie’s head cresting the counter. He heaved a sigh of relief, grateful for her return. He watched as she pulled herself up, hauling a tube of Super Glue in her mouth, her look now one of sheer determination. Fred made a mental note to ask her, when this was over, what she’d gone through to get the glue and make it back. A whole new appreciation for Bessie was making its way into his estimation of her. She schmook schmook schmooked her way back to Fred, shaking her head to open the tube as she came.

Stunned, Fred saw Bessie with new eyes as she picked up the scattered shards and pieced them together, making sure they all fit properly before gluing them together, then fitting them into the hole in his side and gluing everything back. She also ran a bead of glue along each of the cracks which had spider webbed their way across his body, ensuring he’d heal quickly. What had made such a difference in her in such a short time? It dawned on Fred that he might not know Bessie the way he thought he did. Maybe he didn’t even want to know what made this difference?

To be continued ...

Moo to You!



imbeingheldhostage said...

Tell me this is fiction! I am so worried about Fred, that the whole way through this, I kept thinking, "But you just got a new blog..." and how sad (silly, but a fact) people would be if Fred really was broken. If it's not based on a true story, then I am enjoying it.

. . . Dallas Meow . . . . >^^< . . . said...


Memaw's memories said...

This is such a cute story. I love Fred and Bessie. You will keep telling us of their adventures, won't you?

Coffee Bean said...

You, my dear, are so darn clevahhh!

Anonymous said...

Girl. WAY awesome. I was sure Bessie was gonna bring back the giants, but your path is much better. It hurts me to know Fred has/had such a low opinion of his mate, tho. Silly man. Cow. Bull. LOL

Elysa said...

Hey girl! What a fun blog. I love all the cow stuff...definitely wouldn't have been inspired to do this in someplace, like, er, say...FLORIDA??!? LOL!

And btw, thanks for entering my blog giveaway. Obviously, you are a gal with a big ole well-dev'pd funny bone. :D

Elysa Mac